A Guide to Unwanted Pain During Sex

As generally perceived, sexual intercourse brings excitement, delight, and pleasure. However, the “oohs” and “aahs” for some, could mean a sharp “ouch” for others.

Yes, some people feel pain while having sex. And no, it does not mean it’s their first time. A pleasurable experience may cause agony for others regardless of the amount of times they have done it. That’s a painful fact to swallow not only to the person experiencing the issue, but to the partner as well.

People sometimes consult online sellers, bloggers and sex educators like Ducky Doolittle about this matter. She’s a pleasure product expert, a keynote speaker, and an educator who trained medical students about addressing sexual issues with empathy. She frequently blogs about sex toys and works as a resident educator for companies Sola and Blush.

Apart from the tips they could get from following sex coaches, people suffering from pain while having sex get to share everything they can’t tell their partners or their doctors.

While we try to help everyone understand how pain occurs and go deeper to find possible solutions, please let us remind you that:

• We're not doctors, but we want to give accurate information.
• We can only provide non-medical, pleasure-based approach to sex and unwanted pain.
• You will still need to see a doctor for better understanding of pain and the right medical treatment.
• As we’re non-medical people, we cannot assure pain-free items. What we only have are body safe toys.
• You’re still the expert of your own body.

Wanted Pain

Some people prefer to experience hurting during sex. It comes in different levels depending on the person who would like to receive the pain. Some guys want to be spanked while others feel like they deserve a nasty beating. Sexual intercourse with wanted pain is fine for as long as the people involved know their partner’s and their own limits.

Biohacking explains why someone would love to play around with cuffs, ropes and whips during sex. This process lets those who engage in erotic BDSM, dominance, masochism or sadism hack their own neurochemicals such as dopamine, serotonin and endorphin. These neurotransmitters stimulate the brain with production of hormones that make a person feel good and rewarded.

Cuffs, ropes, links, and lashing also exudes a sense of vulnerability. If used right, this makes an important element in achieving orgasm especially among women. So for people who want to inflict pain on themselves or receive it from their partners, the hurting is just temporary and delight waits at the end of the tunnel.

Understanding Unwanted Pain During Sex

Unwanted pain comes in different forms. Also, people react to pain in a contrasting, but interesting manner. Some will react fast, sending a clear message to their partner that they feel aching or uneasiness while having sex. But oftentimes, pain may not be obvious. Some individuals can resist pain or easily hide it so that it won’t spoil the bliss of their partners.

Many cases of unwanted pain occur due to plain dryness which happens even if the person is excited over sex. The bigger problem is, a lot of people don’t know that most of the time, using a quality lube takes the pain away.

If you suffer from other kinds of unwanted pain, we can assist you in identifying its causes. While we can’t offer expert medical advice, we will do our best to help you develop the ability to explain the pain. This will help you describe the situation clearly to your doctors so that they can come up with the best medical response.

Please be reminded that once you get advice or information, it is important to do your part to help relieve yourself from pain. Patients sometimes love to take advice, but do not act for their situation. Due to this, their unwanted pain during sex remains unresolved, keeping them at risk from whatever is happening to their body.

To help you identify, explain, and manage your pain, answer the below questions.

Where Does The Pain Resonate From?

Listen to your body. Whenever you engage in sexual intercourse, where is the pain coming from?

Pain may resonate from the parts of your reproductive system such as a burning sensation in the vaginal muscles due to lack of foreplay or lubrication. But in some cases, it could resonate from a body part that got injured or inflamed recently. On the other hand, some born with physical defects may also experience pain while having sex.

Pain may also manifest in a psychological form as a result of bad sexual experiences, stress, anxiety, or a chronic condition. In this case, we recommend you see a sex therapist with a background in psychiatry.

Is It A Chronic Or A Periodic Kind Of Pain?

Both of these are hard to manage. Patients with hormonal issues, taking medications, and undergoing cancer treatment may encounter these problems making a great impact in their sex lives.

Chronic pain is a long-term illness that may affect your sexual drive and performance. Apart from the physical strain, the stress and anxiety adds to the mental and emotional agony of the patient. According to webmd, when you’re in chronic pain, the last thing you’d think of is having sex with your partner due to:

• Fear of rejection - Patients feel that they look less attractive when in pain.
• Fear of pain because of sex - Patients may start feeling pain while having sex. The stinging sensation alone stops them from engaging in the activity.
• Fear of failing to perform - Due to the effects of medication, stress, anxiety, and the health condition itself, patients fear that they may stop feeling aroused in the middle of intercourse or even before they get started.

Periodic pain is a recurring type of pain. It could be a result of an injury, a birth defect, or a health condition. This is a pain that goes away only to come back after some time. People experiencing regular pain should seek care from a health provider.

Do You Experience Pain While Performing A Specific Sex Act?

Pain triggered by a specific sex act is the easiest pain to address. For example, pain after deep penetration is just normal for a healthy ovulating woman. In the case of anal sex, the discomfort and pain is normal while the muscles try to adapt. However, the feeling should not exceed the extreme levels of pain unless your partner did not practice enough care.

When Did It Start?

Did you feel pain after having sex with a person? Did you do it with protection? Could your partner be infected with a STD?

Did you use a new lubricant or a new sex toy perhaps? It could be made up of unsafe materials.

Backtrack to the things you’ve done before you acquired the condition to help identify the cause.

Are You Able To Communicate With Your Partner?

Let your partner know about this issue instead of just avoiding sex whenever he or she invites you to do it with them. This will keep a relationship healthy despite the issues you’re having. Also, dealing with the problem together is much more reassuring.

What Can A Good Partner Do?

Relationships may end over health conditions, lack of intimacy and sexual dissatisfaction. To avoid this, partners should continue to communicate and address problems together. If you’re partner is going through pain and discomfort related to sex, here are some things you can do.

Accept The Reality

The first step to finding solutions to a problem is by sticking to reality. Accept your partner’s pain and start looking for a fix.

Trust The Person In Pain

People experiencing pain may undergo depression. Some of them just need to be left alone while they deal with their personal battles. As a good partner, you need to be more understanding and have patience. Give them time and space until they’re ready to talk about things.

Show Affection

You can continue being intimate without sexual affection. That’s how you can keep the bond healthy despite the lack of sex. Continue to hold hands and caress each others’ body. This also helps minimize pain and keeps the relationship alive.

Be Kind To Yourself

People in pain would want their partners to be kind to themselves by finding their own pleasure. While they can’t engage in sex, you can turn to other things such as adult toys to soothe your body’s needs.

You’re A Survivor!

While stomping on pain does not look like an easy task, it is completely possible if you keep a good relationship with your body. With the help of a sex coach, you can easily explain the pain you’re feeling to medical experts making the job of finding a cure a whole lot easier. Listen to the advice of other survivors and work together with your partner to get through these challenges.